All posts in Life

Grey

I stood there in the emptiness of my mind and summoned Grey. He appeared suddenly, a group of shadows coming together to take shape. He looked a lot like me, but in a more ideal fashion. He wore my trenchcoat and the skeleton shirt. He looked at me with his cold grey eyes. Continue reading →

Philosophy of Life

I’ve really thought about life and just why we are forced to live through such often unpleasant situations.  What is the point in living?  What do we get out of it?  I, being the cynical and fatalistic person that I am, have boiled it down to a basic idea:

Hardly anything really matters, because you will die sooner or later and you will leave everything behind.  A great deal  of life should be used to find those things that matter.

The things that really matter to me are the things that you can “take with you” when you die.  I believe that although a person’s body will die, his mind and soul will last forever.  So to me, material things are not very important. Sure, I like having stuff, but I know that it is only temporary and I can already see my possessions fading away.  Things that I learn are stored in my mind, which is intangible.  I go through experiences that affect my emotions, which are a part of my soul. It is these things that are important to me.

I learn through experiences.  My life has been a series of trials and hardships, but I have learned from them all and have become a stronger person. No surgery can remove those experiences from me.

I know that if I say “Hello” to someone, I will some day have to say “Good-bye.”  Relationships are very important to me and they are the only reason I desire to live.  Although relationships cannot last forever, there is something transferred between the people in that relationship. A piece of yourself is given and a piece of someone else is gained.  I believe that everyone has been placed on earth so that someone else may learn something from them and be enriched because of it.

My relationship with God is very important. He put me here for a purpose and it is my duty to fulfill what He has planned for me.  And because God’s love for me is unwavering and unconditional, there will always be someone there for me.  Because I cannot get love from my parents and I do not always get love from my friends, my relationship with God serves as the final defense to keep me alive.  I have been through enough emotional hell to make me suicidal at times.

In the not too distant past,  my relationship with God was not very good, so that final barrier was no longer there.  Fortunately, my friends were there before it was too late.  My relationships with my friends and with God saved my life, therefore I live for relationships.

I believe that it is these experiences and relationships that change me, making me the person who I am.  There is no man-made product that can affect me like that.  Changes in me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually help move me closer to what will be my ideal self.

I would like to close this essay with a quote by Piers Anthony, a famous novelist:

“I think my most significant personal revelation is that life changes hour by hour and minute by minute, like the constant flowing of a river. I am not quite the same person today that I was yesterday; small aspects of me have changed, physically and mentally. I will change a little more by tomorrow, and a great deal more in the course of future years.

“To try to hang on to one particular section of life, such as the one I am experiencing at this moment, is foolish; it can’t be done, and if it could be done, it would not be worthwhile. Change is much of the essence of life. Death is the final change. We can not hold on even to a day; how, then, can we capture life itself? Perhaps our whole awareness of individuality, of self, is an illusion. If so, it is better not to grasp unduly at that illusion, but rather to live out our lives in such a manner that when we must at last lay them down, we will not be ashamed. Life has meaning only if we live for meaning.”

Chapter 2

“What is the symbolism in the spider?” asked the girl.
Grey looked up from where he was sitting on the floor of the apartment.
“What?!” he asked, puzzled and shocked.
“Does the spider has some hidden meaning to it?” she elaborated. “I mean,
everything else always has: the Iron Tower, the chasms, you know.”
“That was a different place and a different time,” explained Grey. “The
only significance of the spider is that it really freaked me out, that’s all.
Why do you always have to be looking for ‘hidden meanings’ and ‘deep sig
nificance’ im every little thing?”
“Sorry,” she apologized insincerely. “I guess I’m just so used to it!”
Grey endured a few seconds of her scornful gaze before looking away. He
scanned the apartment again. Nothing much here; ruined furniture, the window
they came in and the door leading out. They would probably go through the door
pretty soon.
“Grey,” she said. “Why did you bring me along with you?”

Chapter 1

Hey, here is the story
Forget about the trouble in life
Don’t you know it’s not easy
When you gotta walk upon that line

A dark alley where only shadows chose to dwell…
Scraps of paper and assorted refuse blew about on the gusty winds. Several
rats foraged for sustenance in others’ discarded waste. The sudden appearance
of a mangy tomcat sent the rats scurrying for their burrows. Licking its paws,
the cat reflected on its loss of a meal.
A brilliant blue line of light cut across the fabric of reality in that
back alley. The line hovered above the ground for a few moments before expand
ing upward into a glowing rectangular portal.
And two came through from the other side…

The cat screeched at the appearance of the boy and the girl and then ran at
full speed to safer hunting grounds.
The boy wrapped his trenchcoat closer to his body as the air was much
cooler here. The girl stood staring at their surroundings, taking in this new
scene. She had seen many wonders in the other place, and it was strange for
her to see something that could be called anything close to normal or sane.
Her gaze returned the boy and found that he looked a little different than
before; he had changed again.
“Who are you this time?” she asked nonchalantly.
“Name’s Grey.” he replied with a smirk.
“Why are you called ‘Grey’ here?”
“Because I am.” he answered simply, offering no explanation. The girl
decided to leave it at that and move on to another topic.
“How come you change and I don’t?”
“Who says you haven’t changed?” he said. “You have, but you just didn’t
notice it.” His eyes wandered, inspecting the alley.
“What do you mean…” she started to say, but was stopped short as she
caught her reflection in a plane of glass. “I..I’m beautiful!”
“You’ve always been beautiful…” said Grey.
“No, I mean, awesome beautiful! I mean, BETTER!”
“Yeah, I guess that we are both in an ‘ideal state’.” Grey stood there,
whistling a soft tune as the girl examined herself up and down. He was rather
annoyed, for he was used to such things and he wanted to get on with every
thing.
But just what was everything? Why were they here, anyway? He had to for
cibly hold down a cold fear that threatened to freeze his heart. He would have
to hide his ignorance from the girl; wouldn’t want to frighten her.
“Hey,” said the girl suddenly. “Where is she? Didn’t she come through with
us?” She looked back at the door, but found only a brick wall. The portal had
closed and vanished.
“She took a different path, hon.” Grey explained matter-of-factly.
“Oh.” she said, nodding her head. A tinge of regret and sadness chanced to
enter her heart, but was quickly ushered out as an intruder.
“Take it easy. Don’t worry about it.” he said, patting her shoulder, reas
suringly.
She looked up at him and caught his gaze.
“I’m fine.” she assured him in a steel tone.
“Of course you are.” He looked away from her and diverted his eyes to a
rusty fire escape above them. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Up.” With that, he made a springing leap to the spring-hinged ladder
several feet above. He caught onto it and rode it down until it was fully ex
tended. He clambered up to the landing platform and the ladder folded back up
with a clash.
“Come on up,” he said.
“What?” she asked, amazed. “How am I supposed to get up there? I can’t
jump up there, like you! Really, you ask too much of me, Grey.”
“Well fine,” he replied. “Just find your own way up.” He secretly wondered
if he was going to have to help her and whether she would let him.
The girl looked around the dead-end alley and spotted the cluster of gar
bage cans. She walked over to them and dragged the sturdiest one over so that
it was just underneath the ladder. Climbing upon this, she was able to reach
the ladder and climb up.
“Bravo,” yawned Grey.
“Shut up,” said the girl.

“I don’t think we should be in here,” said the girl, looking around the
dark apartment.
“Who’s gonna care?” asked Grey rhetorically. He kicked at an overturned
table and it fell apart. “It looks like no one’s been in here for ages.”
“Well I still think you didn’t need to break the window.”
“It was stuck…” Glass crunched under his steps as he walked over to the
wall and examined a dusty picture.
“Eww,” muttered the girl. “There’s a spider on your back.”
Grey spun around, eyes wild.
“What? Get it off!!”
“Well, I’m not going to touch it…”
“Aughhh! Get it off meee!”
The girl watched in amused silence as Grey danced about for a while, swat
ting at his back before taking off his trenchcoat. The large, hairy arachnid
scuttled off of the coat and was crushed by Grey’s boot.
“Ugh,” he said in disgust. “Damn, I hate spiders.” He collected his coat,
examining it for any other creatures before putting it back on.
“What’s so funny?!” he demanded, seeing the slight smirk on the girl’s
face.
“Nothing,” she replied, stifling a snicker.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Life and How We Dealt with It

A comic tragedy presented as a trilogy

To be published in the Afterlife Continue reading →

Interlude

The shadow of the boy had almost etched itself into the cracked ground, so long had he sat unmoving. Again he pondered the meaning of life and his role in it. He gazed upon this land of living metaphors – fictional creations that were more solid than reality. This reality, his reality, was not real either and he knew it. It was all under his control here. But here and here only, don’t you forget it. Continue reading →

Great Responsibility

Begin junior year at CVCA.

I think I was class treasurer or secretary or something like that.

Jodi

I meet Jodi at yearbook camp during the summer. I had such a crush on her for many years, to her great chagrin. We are still friends today. And I am SO over her. For reals. 🙂

Begin sophomore year at CVCA.

High School

Begin freshman year at CVCA.

He could not Recall a Time when he was not Writing

Begin 8th grade at CVCA.

I write a short story, “Welcome to the Real World, Mr. Human,” that I eventually turn into a play during my senior year.